Journey to Motherhood
My life changed completely the moment I found out I was pregnant. I was having a hard time getting pregnant due to issues with fibroids and having to undergo two surgeries to eliminate them from both the outside of my uterus and completely filling the inside of my uterus. After having surgery and getting in the best shape of my life…..I GOT PREGNANT….. from that moment on I have enjoyed all that is MOTHERHOOD….
Life before Baby
Before my daughter was born, I owned my own business in Brooklyn. My business consisted of many facets: I had a commercial kitchen where I produced a web series & public access cooking show; managed my catering business; taught adult and youth cooking classes; developed and managed a youth apprenticeship program; manufactured a line of products that was sold to restaurants throughout the US & Canada; I travelled around the tri-state area teaching cooking classes; developed and organized community events….. and that is the short list. WHOA! That chick was so DOPE!
I look back on those days and it all seems unreal, I often think “That was me?” When I was in the mix, it was just so fast paced and I was completely immersed. The downside was I really wasn’t taking care of my health at all. I was up at the crack of dawn and running full steam ahead till the whee hours when I crashed - I wonder when did I have time for my husband???? - I mean I barely went to the bathroom or ate (Ironic, I know, since I was constantly surrounded by food.) However, that lifestyle cannot last for ever…..that there, is a young woman’s game.
Here is where it hit me -- One morning after coming from a trip from the farmers market I arrived at my commercial kitchen, I began unloading the produce as I waited for my intern to arrive, I started to feel dizzy and sat on the floor and blacked out….. Now let me rewind…
I was consistently ignoring warning signs from my body…. For example - I would be in the middle of filming my cooking show and would feel dizzy so I would have my crew take a break and I would go to the bathroom in time to notice that my nose was beginning to bleed. Another instance - while working late one night at home on my computer, I suddenly rose from my seat and had a panic attack (never had one before), I couldn’t breath or speak, I had to bang on the table for my husband to hear me and run out to me. I could tell my body was out of wack and my blood pressure was skyrocketing. So many other moments where I knew I was not okay, but I ignored it and kept pushing.
FAST FORWARD - So here I am waking from this black out. I immediately pack up my stuff and head to emergency care. When I saw the doctor, I instantly start balling and ugly crying (completely out of character). I was stressed and he prescribed me something (I can’t remember, I didn’t take it). I went home and didn’t leave for days. I really started to get serious about my health and thinking about changing my lifestyle. It was also around this time I was struggling with fertility. I needed a second fibroid surgery, that could possibly be the answer to my fertility issues, and finally being able to get pregnant…
So I took a break from my business. I started to focus on my health. I scheduled my surgery and went through recovery. After recovery I picked up running, I started meditating more consistently, strengthening my relationship with God, and I decided to get my certification in yoga. I was in the best shape of my life (physically, mentally & spiritually) and then I got pregnant……
We had just moved out of the city to Westchester County, and I was in the middle of planning to replant my business in my new town....THEN...
It was 2AM and I woke up right out of a dream, my eyes opened wide and I said aloud “I’m pregnant” (husband was deep asleep and didn’t hear me) I went to the bathroom and took a pregnancy test and it was positive….I welled up with tears and pure joy, I went to lay back in bed and said I will take one more pregnancy test in a few hours just to make sure. At about 7am I took another test, this time my husband was up and getting ready for work. The test read positive and I called hubby in the bathroom and showed him and said it out loud “I’m pregnant” He had the biggest smile on his face and was in shock. From that moment our lives shifted - my focus shifted - and we enjoyed every moment of pregnancy.
My daughter was born in September of 2017, the most unbelievable, most precious, most joyful moments in our lives began….. Since my daughter was born I have gone full steam ahead with motherhood and with the struggles, sleepless nights, tears, poops, projectile vomit, whining and all the new things I continue to learn about myself — I realize going back to my life before her, that fast paced life, running a crazy ass business….. I was no longer interested in that life….
Today, I currently freelance as a teaching artist. Taking on short contracts when I want and that can accommodate my schedule. I work part time in the city 2 days a week for a few hours…..I love this because I get to get away and be creative - however I love the SAHM life….tending to my daughter, teaching her new things and watching her grow. I am constantly conflicted because all I want to do is be a SAHM, but I hesitate because I don’t want to lose myself. So for now I will work on building this Blog and see how this will evolve, follow me and this new journey….